I Haven’t Learned a Thing in Two Months Here

AUTHORS NOTE: my boss, mark, told me that someone was going to edit this blog post because i don’t use capital letters properly and that it was starting to irritate him. i then reminded mark that he was the one who said i should always be my true 83-year-old self. he sighed heavily but as he was walking away i said “fine, mark, even though i really don’t believe in using pronouns because nothing in life should be given preferential treatment.”. BEST REGARDS WALTER 👍

To say I’ve learned a lot in the two months since I’ve been at ATYPICAL would be a gross overstatement. I mean I’ve learned some things; like the fact that Nina has gone from one spoon of sugar in her coffee to no spoons of sugar in her coffee. Or that Sean used to play in a band and got a tattoo he doesn’t really like. But to say that I’ve learned all about SEO and KPI’s and Backlinks and Re-marketing just isn’t true.

That’s not to say they don’t try and teach me stuff. I mean they REALLY do, to the point where I can actually see the fury in their eyes when they see the glazed-over look in mine. And It’s not to say that I’m not trying to learn either, it’s just that it’s very boring. I’ve lived a life of adventure, intrigue, and romance; so when Luke is telling me that Facebook ads help us convert more leads due to our strategic funnel approach, I just end up sighing and offering to write it in a tweet.

I do like writing though, so that’s been fun. And I’ve learned how to use hashtags and emojis🙌, which is quite fun I suppose. But really I just want to make sure that what ATYPICAL puts out on their social media platforms is cool and interesting. My brief when I started was just to be myself, so I really don’t feel bad about daydreaming about the three years I spent chasing Anaconda’s in Brazil, or the time I met David Bowie having a dance-off in a pub in Glasgow, or Heidi Klum. I mean why wouldn’t you think of those things when the account manager Kate, is talking about how some new website we built is outperforming on bounce rate *YAWN*.

Anyway, after Mark got irritated with me, Skye said I should mention some of the things I’ve enjoyed being a part of since working here. Here they are:

• I won a table tennis match against Jess (She’s quite good)
• I downed a beer faster than someone (can’t remember who) one Friday evening
• I surfed one morning before work with Josh
• I climbed a mountain with a yoga cult (Kayla’s friends)
• The girls at the office made me a LinkedIn and Tinder account
• I went on a date with a 64-year-old lady then ghosted her (Dylan taught me how to do this)
• I then forgot that the 64-year-old lady (Bertha) lived next door to me
• I made a Spotify playlist everyone really loves (although I think they might be being sarcastic)
• Read a book about marketing (psych I didn’t😉)
• Had lunch every day
• Learned about hashtags and emojis

I mean it’s not exactly the thrill a minute ride I had in the eighties when I was working undercover in Russia for the CIA or the time I was an extra in a Michael Jackson video. But, the people are really nice and it’s a good place to work, even if I have to hear all about URLs and CRO at the lunch table.

BEST REGARDS WALTER👍