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  • Walter Fitzgerald

SEND HELP … - - - …

AUTHORS NOTE: the bosses told me i had to write another blog because everyone thought the first one was funny, but i didn’t write that one to be funny so this one is going to be even more serious. BEST REGARDS WALTER 👍

So, it’s been three months since my last blog and you wouldn’t believe the stuff they’re trying to make me do here. I mean I just wanted to learn the internet! Now I’m having to help this Dillion bloke write marketing strategies that no one even reads. I see the client’s eyes glaze over when he starts talking, and by the time he gets to the fifty-fourth slide on how to use your organic social media channels more effectively, I’ve been sleeping for at least forty minutes.

Rant aside, I’m all for learning new stuff but I thought it would at least be exciting you know? When Mark sold me this dream, he told me they are the best at CRE strategy, SEO, paid media, design, you name it. I thought those were like these incredible internet places and he made it sound like maybe one day I’d get to meet Heidi Klum; but bloody hell this strategy stuff is the worst. I can’t actually believe Dillion has tried to make a career out of doing this😂. Mark then said I had a good brain (didn’t believe a single word of it) and should help flippen Dillion when he ‘builds’ his strategies. Lol (I learnt lol from Erin, one of the new hires – more on them later). This guy talks about strategy as if he’s building a damn skyscraper – DUDE, you’re writing some stuff in a PowerPoint! Anyway, so I’m doing that, which makes me feel like that one time I was in Russia after the war and they tried to put me on a train to Siberia.

Then one day while Skye was speaking to two of the Gen Z children, Erin and Josh, she mumbled something to me about doing ‘tick tock videos’ while I was asking her what influencer marketing was. I wasn’t really listening so at first, I thought she meant I could start leaving earlier so long as I filmed myself wherever I went that afternoon, which I thought was strange, but she’s a bit strange so I just went with it. After the first week of leaving early and filming myself I really enjoyed it because I got to go play with the seals at the Hout Bay harbor. Then she asked me why I was leaving after lunch every day and sending her videos of seals eating fried calamari out of my hand and I said she told me I could! After a lot of ‘communication’ I learnt that “Tiktok” is a social media thing where young people try their hardest to get attention on the internet by taking awkward videos of themselves dancing, singing and being embarrassing. That’s when I knew I needed help, so I went to see my nephew (9) and he said Tiktok was actually quite cool and he knows because he’s nine. So now I can’t leave early but have to film Mark and Skye making fun of themselves while everyone stands around them and laughs.

Oh! And we have all these new people in the office that Skye hired because apparently we’re ‘growing’. They seem nice but look about my nephews age and speak in riddles. They say things like “oh my god I love that for you girl” and “ohemjee babes” even though they’ve only known each other for like a second. So, because I like everyone that reads this blog I asked one of the loud ones, Amy, to help make a list of things Gen Z children might say to you so you can try understand them:

Basic: Defined as only interested in following mainstream trends.

‘Pumpkin spice lattes are so basic’

Glow-up (worst one): Means that someone is being more mature, confident, or attractive.

‘What a glow-up babes’

Mood: Now you can show you feel the same way about something cool by saying ‘mood’.

That cat pic is an entire mood’

I still don’t really understand when they speak to me so I just nod and smile and then go away. Sometimes I feel like that time I got lost in Bangladesh and a Tiger stalked me for like an hour wasn’t actually that bad. Lol. So that’s what’s been happening at ATYPICAL. I’ve also been instructed to add stuff to this blog that will help our SEO. I asked Luke (the SEO guy) what that meant and he just said I should say stuff like; Digital marketing and CRE marketing specialists and SEM and paid media professionals.

So here you go, Mark: Digital marketing, CRE marketing specialists, SEM, paid media professionals.

Send help.



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