- Mark Kalkwarf
We hired an 83-year-old 'Experienceer' to take over our social media
So, we hired someone ‘new’ to take over our social media platforms (he said he was into marketing when we asked but that wasn’t totally true). Honestly, you may not understand everything he says but we like him quite a lot, although it took some convincing.
We also realized whilst hearing about the shrimp tails in the cereal, that we need to do social better since we preach it to all of our clients constantly. At the same time, we are far too busy developing space-age CRE marketing plans to run it ourselves, and as such it’s been neglected like a red-headed stepchild. So… we decided to ‘upskill’ a dedicated in-house person.
Without further ado, we’d like to welcome Walter to ATYPICAL and you. Please see his bio below and be prepared for intrigue, shock, and awe. (We’ve added in our CEO’s very first thoughts on seeing this bio, without having met Walter, in red)
Hello. My name is Walter.
My age: 83 (Seriously?)
My occupation: Journeyman/World Traveller/Experienceer (WTF is that?) /Amateur Film Photographer.
My marketing experience: Once brought David Ogilvy a cup of coffee on a location shoot in New York whilst working as a barista. He seemed smart. (Can we verify this, Skye???)
My hometown: Technically Brooklyn or Paris. (Huh?)
My personal Goals: To touch the sand of every desert, the water of every ocean, and the leaves of every forest. Those goals were achieved in the winter of 1994. (Not sure if this is a metaphor or not)
My professional Goals: To start learning how ‘The Internet’ works (Where has he been for the last 30 years???). I want to capture the essence of ‘The Internet’ through my love of traditional film photography.
My values: I value people that enjoy the noble art of Krav Maga, although I have never technically ever tried it, I value it. It seems difficult. (No comment)
My skills and expertise:
Once saw either David Attenborough or David Beckham – he was quite far away. (Good lord)
Successfully managed a shark spotting booth in Australia for a summer. No deaths on day 44. (Well that’s something)
Three times took guitars on stage for an English band from Manchester of which I can’t remember the name of now but I will ask my nephew. (Oasis?)
Once was asked to photograph a celebrity named Justin something with my film camera but said no. (I like this)
Saw Jimi Hendrix Live at Woodstock on my nephew’s iPad once. (?)
Snorkelled 7 - 10 times.
Don’t like motorbikes. (Noted)
(None of those were skills or expertise)
Interests and hobbies:
Enjoyed reading books about ‘The Albatross’. (???)
Won 3rd place at an Andy Warhol look-alike contest in 1963. (Can we verify this?)
Love to see pictures on ‘The Internet’. (Should be a good fit then)
Love to take pictures to put on ‘The Internet’ one day.
Once experienced 14 different flavors of Horse Radish in Mongolia. (Okay this is interesting)
Love Horse Radish. (Noted)
Saw Kim Jong Un being born on TV whilst working as a waiter in Chinese occupied North Korea. (MUST know more)
Rafted ‘The Terminator’ in Chile before getting a stomach bug. (Noted)
My Pitch for the Role: I would really like to be your social media marketing writer because I’m learning ‘The Internet’ and my nephew says it can be fun (he’s 7, so he knows).
(Do we really want to do this, Skye???)
Normally here at ATYPICAL, we would hire someone young and hipster-ish to do this but we felt that Walter has an incredible amount of character and what he lacks in marketing and ‘Internet’ knowledge, he makes up for in worldly experience. Also, we like to do things differently and an 83-year-old ‘Experienceer’ was just too good to turn away. We’re not entirely sure how this is all going to play out because we’re giving him full reign to say whatever he feels like, whenever he feels like saying it, with some marketing in between, which he seems extremely eager to learn.
Good luck. (To you, not him)